No harm trying. That’s what everyone says. I’m getting tired of hearing the same words of advice over and over again. I’m afraid. Afraid of losing myself, afraid of falling into the dark pit of despair. It’s only been three months since the break up. The wounds are still healing. Yes, with his aid that he unconsciously provided, I am healing at a speed beyond normal but the memory of the pain is still fresh in my mind. Realizing that I have fallen for him is killing me on the inside. Realizing it when I’m having a fever makes it worse. Drowsy, confused and afraid.
“What are you so afraid of?”
Of losing him after I get use to his presence. Of realizing that his feelings aren’t real. Of betrayal. Of trust and reliance. Of being made used of. Of being an object used for showing off.
If it is love in the first place.
It is going to be a gamble. If I take the gamble, I will throw my heart and soul into this, potentially breaking my soul forever if it doesn’t work out. It is a difficult choice. A choice that will kill or heal.